Practice makes perfect or bugs perfect?!

 

Doesn’t every parent want to think that their kid is the smartest kid on the planet?  I am guilty of that thought too! Actually, if you come to think .. aren’t the kids all really?! In their own different way…but, sure! Some of them so adventurous, new languages.., new ways of thinking, new approach, with no fear of being dismissed, no fear of failure, while some, so comfortable in their own zone,  but too good in what ever they do..None of these to me, mean that one is better than the other. It just means some of them are risk takers and some of them like to play it safe. 

Some kids, very good thinkers, able to make profound statements, think deep, and some who love to be the happy go lucky kind. Some very artistically inclined and some multilingual. Some very good at articulating their feelings while some who prefer to not express as much.  Some clumsy at social skills but so good at motor skills..and vice versa.

Some hate to be put in limelight but, would love to get that much more attention from their family nonetheless. Some accept the fact that they like to be in limelight and don’t miss any opportunity to snatch one. Some so curious and some like taking things the “bindas” way. In the end its all their personality and I don't have a dearth in dealing with different personalities here in our home.

Sure they are all girls but, with personalities so varied and yet in a way all of these personalities are in some kind of a celestial sync with the other.

As best as we parents think we need to take them along a path, we would work best only as guides. Sure, we have the advantage of being experienced in life but, haven’t we also built up prejudices along the way. I remember there were so many opinions that I had as a youngster, influenced by my upbringing or the society I lived in, today those opinions have changed, some vanished and some totally opposite from what I was then. My experiences have added value to my opinions. (In my opinion, that is!)

In my view, these young minds are best left to explore themselves as they grow. We parents, sure should be available to guide them if they get stuck.. We should be there to warn them of any impeding dangers with knowledge we've gained from our past experiences  (or,  bias we’ve formed due to these very experiences)…what ever the case, in the end it is the kids who have to make a choice..which dream to follow or how. 

Ah!! so rational..so logical, so right.. all this sounds..and yet, I find it so difficult to practice..too theoretical for me!  I’m sure by the time I finish this..you’re going to tell me…. your ways are so contrary to your opinion! Just like most of you parents, faced with this dilemma called, How to be the best parent?!

Even the tiniest tot has dreams. Aren’t you bombarded with the “I wish I could do …” ,  “I wish I could have….”, type-a things from you toddler or preschooler?!

Sure, Richa’s wishes change everyday but, this preschooler does have dreams too and to that end..she will try to achieve them in the best ways she knows.  The triplets now big kids..much aware than before, steer clear of making statements..like I want to be a ------, when I grow up.  P is too confused. She seems to find herself among the smart .. and yet she feels, if she continues in that direction, will it take a toll on her artistic skills? And would her pursuing her musical talent confuse the footing even more?!

“So, what should we do when we grow up,Mama, what should we become?!” , they have asked sometimes feeling too bewildered by this placement.

Suddenly, it dawned on them, this whole aspect of what they want to become when they grow up is much more complicated than they had anticipated. It had been so simple after graduating from pre-school, when N had wanted to be a cleaning lady when she grew up..and P had wanted to be a married woman while K wanted to a computer engineer. 

“It sure will be for you to decide when you grow up..the field of study, you desire the most”, we say (clearly setting expectations) but, with a lot of disclaimers, adding some more commotion to their already disturbed minds, that, I end up making resolutions..to stop obscuring the situation further.

Sometimes they get amazed by their own capabilities because they aren’t able to see a bigger picture, as we parents are able to.  N is amazed at the rate she’s writing paper after paper in the quest to get her article selected for some magazine.  The other day..she says..self complacently..

“Isn’t it amazing that I’m reading up all these books?!”, Modesty has no place in her room! But, her sisters bring her back to reality with what else they know. And with a Dad who’s such a voracious reader himself..she has no dearth of getting the best selections.

Sometimes as parents we need to make them aware of their talents to foster their confidence, and yet sometimes, its important to make them realize that being smart is not a means to an end.  It take 5% genius but 95% perseverance to achieve a goal.

Thus stressing on the importance of practice because, in the end what will get them to succeed is perseverance alone.  They get to hear the “P” word everyday…and it does bug them..because it takes away every free moment of their life, that they plan to have..but, they have no clue what they would do with those free moments if they had been left with it. 

In such a situation, if they don’t find themselves chatting with their friends on the internet, (Speaking of which…I’m amazed how or when, these kids pick up these tools so fast.. The other day I found N meddling with the “History” tab on the browser!!)  it wouldn’t take 10 minutes for them to get into an argument with each other, in that shrill escalated voice…

“N!!!! you are disturbing me when you ….”

“How would you feel..if I did it…”
”K!!!! did you listen to me .. when I complained last?!!!!”

A busy schedule for them saves them from all these squabbles and a voice tired Mom from shouting across the Palle hallways..

“Now…Cut it out!!! “  “You have 5 secs to stop that ruckus..!”

Not that I have a plan for after the 5 secs, that would be better than shouting..but, I don’t shy from using this tool anyways..

As much as I thought that we were overdoing this “practice” thing with our kids, the other day at school .. after their musical recital at the winter concert…their school Principal made a statement that made me think..they’re being given these lectures at school too!

She referred to this eminent Psychologist and Scholar  Anders Ericsson’s 10000 Hour Rule that says..It takes approximately 10000 hours of deliberate practice to master a skill, to becoming an expert at a skill.   Which means that it would take 10 years of practicing 3 hours a day to become a master in your subject.

The kids have been made aware of the importance of practice.  The triplets feel that they master the Ragas so easily they don’t need to sit down to practice for even 2, half hour sessions a week.  Their Dad’s usual statement to the kids..

“You know kidos, I don’t have the talent to produce a note in the way its supposed to be heard..but, with determination I can make progress. If I had even a fraction of your talent..I would’ve been a rock star by now!” ,

That, he’s made this statement so many times,  it won’t surprise me if  the kids are just going to snap back “100th time Papa!”, the next time he utters it..

And I don’t miss any opportunity to emphasize this myself. About,  the importance of practicing. Exercising the voice muscle! that’s what I call it!

“Its all muscle memory that’s going to help you make all the gyrations in the voice, that you see your Guru do.. Same thing with the instruments too. “ If your fingers have to get adept at moving smoothly..”P” is the key, I try to enforce.

It was like this Principal had spoken my mind and provided enough support to hammer this thought even more into my kids. She also set the ground for me to perfectly answer their question of

“What do we do when we grow up?!”

For something you genuinely enjoy doing for its own sake, stick with it, keep learning more about it, and after a decade or so, you can't help but get good at it and feel proud of yourself.

Talent is just the 95% thing that does it for somebody, its that 5% part, where you struggle to put in time and effort into practice, what people call perseverance that would take you that extra mile….is my constant mantra to my kids, be it academics or talent!  I plan to stick to this, until they will form a Union among themselves to boycott me if I repeated that again!

My cup of Trouble or Delight!!

When the triplets had turned 9 this summer..Richa had asked me when was it going to be her birthday. Actually, she had put it better,

“How long for MY birthday, Mama?”

Hers was the only name not on the cake..during this summer birthday.  Seemed so unfair. I had answered,

“6 months, Richa!”

She had exclaimed a disappointed “Ahwwww!” like she had any clue what 6 months meant.  Even today when somebody asks her how old she is, she answers in the elaborate..

“I am 4 olds now and I will be 5 olds in Ja-nu-ary. In 6 months!”

I’ve heard this phrase called  “The terrible 2s” but, seems like in case of Richa, the 2 is just extending seamlessly across all her years.

Of late she’s been troubling her Didis to her hearts content. She steals their pencils or erasers or just about anything they are working with and runs away, inviting them to a game of tag. 

How else can she get the attention of these popular angels of our home. She hasn’t been accepted into the sorority of her sisters, yet! Frustrating enough.  They seem to talk cool stuff, get to go in this big yellow school bus along with the rest of her friends, seem to know much more than she knows or comprehends!

She just wants to be there … at their level because the possibility of them toning down a little bit and talk stuff that sounds less gibberish to her..seems like a remote option.

She’s not the type who wants to give up, is she?! She’s up for the challenge. She makes up by showing them how agile she can be…

Just sneak up to them and flick their stuff and run around. They’ll be running behind her, the next second. She knows!  Now , she has the whole troop behind her…chanting her name!  Maybe bellowing sounds closer to the truth.

All of them running behind her..yelling

“Richa!! Richa!!! Richa!!!…give it back..!”

Sounding like music to her ears, her adrenaline getting a kick. The triplets, frustrated with this guerilla attack on them..have formed a union against her for such situations. They have realized the im-pon-tence (Richa’s version of ‘importance’)  of this phrase

“United we stand..divided Richa rules!!”

One of them is available to shout out,

“Mama..Richa took our stuff!”

Another is running behind her to get it back..without hurting her, for if Richa even feels any molecule in her body move because Didi managed to get a tight hold of her..she would be ready with her version of a war cry which even includes some foot stomping, following which, her Didi would be in for a dose of Mama’s medicine. 

So, that calls for some fine handling.

The third one is hiding all the other stuff from the table so Richa would not get her hands on them. After a full summer of dealing with this, day in and out, I’d only started to breath a little easy when I realize that the start of schools didn’t mean a stop to all this.

Now that the triplets had discovered Richa the Menace, they had started to keep their doors closed to her. They would lock the door of their room from inside and almost immediately, we have holler,

“Mama, Didis are never gone let me come into their room!!!”

Then, another one follows..this time from Mama,

“PNK!!!! What’s all this?!  I said, no playing with the doors!!”

Immediately..the doors open and Didis are shouting

‘Mama, she is stealing our things!”

Now, it was time for Mama to find a place to hide…

As much as she has been troubling the living day lights of us…every thing she speaks is a delight to hear. The other day, as I was working, Richa comes to me and asks..

“Mama, Did Didis tell on me?”

“About what?!”, I ask

“That I had taken their legos and run away!  Did they tell on me?”, she asks without even realizing that she is the one who is doing the TELLING on her!

“No, they didn’t say anything.., Why are you touching their stuff, Richa?!”, I ask, now that I’m aware of what she has been up to.

“Mama, Didis are never going to let me touch their city..their lego city”, she continues…

As much as she is enjoying being the shoe stealing puppy..she is very aware of all the talk around her .. She makes it a point to stop us point blank and clarify…her big doubts!

Hubby dear, who was on a call is heard saying..

“Ok Guys..I’m going to drop off now!”

“Drop off! What are you going to drop Papa?!”, she asks immediately. Or, another time…

“Mama, what is opposite..why did you say opposite?”

Which wasn’t as difficult to explain as when she asked..

“Mama, Why do you say internet?! What is internet?!”

She had just eavesdropped on a conversation that Papa and me were having.

“Richa, its another planet. It has lots of stuff called information in it and I can get that information on to my computer through these wires..”,

I say, suddenly caught unawares, unable to use words like networks, communication and sharing, emails etc.  I suddenly realized as I blurted out what had come to mind…I really wouldn’t have been able to define it if the triplets had asked me either.

They know better now..they find it easier to “Google” than to find out what a dumb a-- Mama is!!

Sometimes its confusing to understand the kids of this generation. How much information is too much for them, you wonder?

Thinking again, I don’t think anything is too much for these kids now-a-days.  I tell you, you start explaining to them the concepts of networking and trust me they will get it, much better than you did the first time!  I have that confidence. Then, I wonder, why I hold back…

Sometimes she reminds me…as if telling me

”Make no mistake of my innocence, mama!”

Like the time I told her…that bugs will start to make their homes in her hair, if she keeps refusing to wash her hair…and she replies, saying,

“You’re funny Mama!”

The other day, after we came back from school, I tried to find out from her if she had in fact eaten her lunch or thrown it in the garbage.

I was sure she would’ve have finished the yogurt because, that’s something she can live on and not want anything else. But, I still went on..

“Richa, are you sure you finished your yogurt?!”

“Yes..Mama, I did!”

“I will talk to Ms. J and find out if you really did”, I said, intently watching her for her reaction..Waiting for her to say…”Fine! I threw a little bit, Ok!”. Instead, she answered.

“Ok!..”

“Did you finish your jelly sandwich?!”

“Yes, Mama”

“How much did you throw in the garbage?”

As she searched for the right words…I was already glowing inside..thinking..

“Ahh there! I caught you baby!!!”

“Nothing!…I placed the two slices of bread on each other and then..I ate it all up, like this!”,  she answered, acting out the whole episode!

“Ok, let me check you tummy and see if I can feel the 2 slices of bread”, I say.

I just pressed a little bit here and a little bit there on her tummy…and acted like I am touching something and said..

“Here! I can surely feel one slice of bread here!”,

“But, where’s the other slice?!”, I asked..

“Really!!!, You can feel the bread in my tummy?!”, she asks, her eyes popping out,  totally believing me..Astonished, that one can do that.

She then..stops walking and spends some time feeling her tummy for a while and says..

“Ma…that’s 2 slices of bread! I can touch 2 slices of bread!”, she said with a sly smile that she couldn’t help hiding,  totally catching me of guard and letting me know.. “It was me who was taking you for a ride all this while, missy!!”

Recently, she had her hit with a harsh reality called HOMEWORK!   That she is liable to learn stuff forcefully too!!!

She has been getting a few minutes of Music and Dance lessons from the triplets Guru and suddenly she finds herself in midst of something that she had not signed up for!!  HOMEWORK!

She was supposed to memorize the Dadra Taal. A taal constituting of 6 beats (A measure of 3 beats!) with the finger movements. The simplest of all taals.  Somehow, this didn’t come across to her as a fun activity. You see, It came to her in the form of HOMEWORK!

Wasn’t HOMEWORK..something only Didis were supposed to do?!  She never had to do this before..She was just meant to do fun stuff, where she got to decide what she was in the mood for.

There was another insider information she knew about HOMEWORKS! Mama or Papa would eventually need to check it, sometimes with..some soft words, and other times, with some more softer words…not soft enough to mean they were fun..She knew that. 

She’s now liable for all this?!! 

When did life take this weird turn?!  The consequence of approaching her 5th birthday in another 4 months now, I remind her.

Why don’t birthdays feel enticing anymore?! I could hear her insides scream.  Same shoes that I find myself too Richa, I commiserate with her mentally.

She has suddenly understood the importance of remaining a small kid…

“Mama, I’m a baby still, you know!”, she reminds me. Already fearing a backlash, she adds,

“Fine!!! I’m not a baby, right, I’m bigger but, still a tiny kid!”, she says, trying to defend her stand, for not being subjected to any homework!

Sitting with me…as I’m trying to teach her this sequence of 6 funny words, to be repeated in a pattern, and she stares at me and says..

“I don’t know how to say that Mama”

She has learnt it early enough..agreeing to do some homework today, will be like asking for more, tomorrow!

Here I am…with my hands on my head, trying to hold on to whatever sanity is left while some more seeps away, well aware, that this girl will soon be doing all these things expected of her…Only, the road to getting there, doesn’t seem like an easy one. And, I wonder..why everybody asks me..

“Triplets!!! How did you take care of them?” 

Weren’t they the easiest, I wonder.

Richa, Don’t come!

 

It had been a summer afternoon. All of us had had a sumptuous lunch of starch!..It had shown itself in so many forms and we had jumped at it hungrily and consumed it greedily. The kids had laden themselves with Idlis, White Rice and Papad, while, we grown ups, the Moms, Dads, Grandmas and Granddads, had not only loaded ourselves with those yummy Idlis..we had also added some Kheer and Upma made of Starch..( Yes! did it remind you of those starch balls called “Sabu Dana”). Right, we had ravenously eaten copious shares of those yummy appetizer and dessert too, apart from the starch and fat ridden main course.

It reminds me of this “Calvin and Hobbes” strip.

So, maybe, it wasn’t a healthy menu but, it was a tasty one. And we had gulped as much as we could of that heavenly food. So what, if it had made my kids get a bountiful load of empty calories. So what, if it had made them so hyper and us so full and sleepy. Remember, Kumbakarna and his six months of sleep pattern. Right! we were ready for that after that meal. The triplets were about 3 years old then. Usually, when driven around in the vehicle, they used to fall asleep. But, not today. Not after this meal.

We had returned home carrying those heavily burdened bellies, first perching them on our lap as we sat in our vehicle and then, letting it hang as we got off the vehicle and managed to get the kids to their rooms. We had even helped the grand parents to their respective nap spots. Then, we had asked each of the triplets to get into their toddler beds and have a nap because, we grown ups needed very badly to have one too.  They looked at us so meekly, giving that innocent “cooochy…pooochy” looks and almost making us feel guilty that the thought of keeping a watch on them, had even crossed our minds. 

Richa was no where in the picture then.  We went and lay in our room. At that time it was just “Mama and Papa’s” room. As we dozed off into sleep we could hear the ruckus happening in the other room through the intercom.

There were excited shreaks and loud noises. The kids were obviously hyper. They were not going to sleep now. So, we let them continue their play, but when the noise got louder, we had to stop it..I went to their room and what did I find..all the walls were colored with crayons…Only K’s spot was clean. N had put layer after layer of crayons on the wall adjoining her bed and P had done the same at her spot.

That was it…I got so mad that, after that day..I loaded the home with so many paper supplies that the kids never looked towards the wall again. They had easels, and boards and art paper and doodlers and drawing books and coloring books that, if they desired to scribble for the whole year non-stop, they could find paper to do so..

It had taken us 2 coats of the strongest primer available in the market to hide those crayon marks. I had done that for their fifth birthday. I had gotten them pink walls.  (They had almost been free to add more crayon marks where they had and I wouldn’t be able to find out). 

All this availability of paper had gotten them into this habit of putting everything in their mind onto paper, either through drawings or writing. Now,  this started a new trend at home..The need to stick these pieces of art and literature on to the walls. When the walls were zoned off from sticking stuff on it, the doors became their next target.

Fast forwarding a few years..Richa was born and is 4 today. Today also, the triplets continue to be the same. RIcha has also joined them in this effort. Actually, she had taken it a step further and let us know she belongs to the current generation. She prefers typing on a word editor!!

Her Didi’s still scribble their thoughts or their art on to paper and put it on their door  for everybody’s display. Sometimes..there are seasons greetings for thanksgiving, Christmas or just paper cuttings of snow flakes itself. Other times, there are instructions for their family and friends telling how to behave once they enter their room..A few weeks back it was this:

That’s the sign that was posted on the triplets door..It had been there for some time now. Suddenly, Richa notices that it was her name indeed on that paper all this time! No wonder, it had looked so beautiful. Her name written so big that it almost felt like a decoration for the door. She felt so proud of it.  She brings that sheet and sticks it on the door that belongs to HER!   Its the room she calls..”Mama, Papa and Richa’s” room.

From the day she was conceived, it had ceased to be “Mama and Papa’s” room. It had become her room. Mama and Papa have no choice but to accept that it was “Mama, Papa and Richa’s” room. If Mama and Papa were cruel enough to omit her name along with the room’s, she would be kind enough to attach it. She would very politely add “and Richa’s room”. Even if a slightest suggestion was on the table that the room just belonged to “Mama and Papa”, there would be an uproar which Mama nor Papa would be able to calm. 

Trying to get her to accept Didi’s room as hers, Mama and Papa, have even put her to sleep in Didi’s bed every night, but, there is a bed bug or a nightmare hidden in that room, that has taken Mama and Papa to task on this. It always wakes up Richa, in the night and lets her know…she is not on her own bed. She sincerely thanks the bug for reminding her every night, before she comes back to the bed she should be sharing with Mama.

She didn’t care that her Didis had put up this sign that says “Richa, Don’t come in” on their door during moments of despair when she wrecks their stuff. Who cares if anything is even written after the word “Richa”. The most important word that ever matters to her is “Richa” and its on that paper. It was written so boldly, almost adding a world of beauty to that paper in a jiffy.

Even if told verbally that she  is not allowed to enter their room, she never recognized nor understood those curfew conditions. All these things hardly mean anything to her. She believes in what she knows.  That she lives in “Mama, Papa and Richa’s” room and she also almost lives in “Didi’s” room. She frequents the room just as she pleases and stop them from clearing the room, when they try to so, she could continue to be at the table where she is coloring or on the bed where she is lying and watching TV or reading a book.

I can imagine if the same was written for P, N or K. There would be clashes between the three, that would take us ages in Mom years, to resolve. Dare if Papa put up such a sign for Mama.. Can you imagine the Battle of Kurukshetra erupting from the flames of that sign? Now that Richa has planted the message herself on the door..How many more Mom Years is it going to take to convince her of the MMMAATTER on the sheet?! Any guesses?  :D :D :D :D :D

 

P.S. As much as I portray this as a problem..there is nothing more beautiful for me than to give that comfort of protection to my kids while they sleep. If I just kept the privacy, the inconveniences,  and all the other matters the world makes such a big deal of, aside, I love to share my bed with my kids infinitely.

At least, it makes me aware, which kid of mine grinds her teeth or kicks me out of bed, or turns around 180* in bed with her covers everywhere except on herself or, talks in her sleep. I will also be able to know what’s going on in that little head of theirs while they mutter in their sleep.  And when they cry out, scared by a bad dream, or a loud thunder..I would be able to give them a tight hug so they could relax and fall back to sleep.

Keeping this in mind..we had bought this huge king sized bed so all of us could fit into it sometimes but, who knew, kids grew up so fast or beds get smaller by the day, or Mama and Papa also add to their size by the day! :D , or that, we would have Richa to add to the number, one day.

Love you so much my babies!

Confidence!

 

When I see Richa talk to people around her..to other kids in her class,  with her Didi’s friends, in a gathering, I find her talking confidently, without any restraint, whatever comes to her mind, no filter between the brain and mouth. sometimes even to gain attention or impress other parents especially, her teacher. She is not trying to be friends or fit in.  What can one expect of a toddler right?!  Even if some inadvertent talk comes of her mouth..she is easily forgiven or..we just laugh it off. I find the other kids in her class behave the similarly too. No inhibitions, very assertive…they haven’t still found the “shy” monster to hover over them. Modesty not being their virtue. 

She gives me instructions on how I should place her plate of food and water at the table..like I actually, learnt it from her. If I tell her that I’m going to stop feeding her..that she isn’t eating..She answers saying

“Mama..I’m eating, I’m not swallowing!!”

Its cute..the ways of these preschoolers. Playing teacher, maybe you decided to feign ignorance..maybe, you didn’t follow the same sequence of toasting the bread and spreading the butter on it..Then beware! they will give you a mini training course on the right way of toasting the bread and spreading butter.

Another time, when I spoke of the deer who was waiting under the steps outside. She had insisted that it was not a deer but a reindeer and it was waiting for Santa. I walked away convinced that , that might indeed be the case. Why else was that deer so confidently staying put in its spot, in spite of watching us, watch it from the window. It surely had some support ..that invisible Santa, it was!

She also is very particular of how she wants to dress up.  Always interested in dresses that show off more skin!!

“Its so cold, you can see the snow outside”, I try to show her proof!

Crying and bouncing in frustrations is what follows.

She needs to dress her way, not because she wants to impress her peers. I haven’t seen her notice, how her peers dress in class.To her, this is the way she is going to feel good. She is happy with the 2 pony tails she wears everyday. 

She has some dress codes. She needs to wear a “Lehenga” when its time to pray or to meet Aunt D( I wonder why she made this connection of an Indian costume with Aunt D ). The main point being..she talks what comes to mind and dresses as she feels, not influenced by any fashion trends.  Carefree, unaware of any consequences attitude.

It reminds me that my triplets had been like that at one time too.  They used to talk without any reservations, so cutely, many times, putting us in embarrassing situations when they commented about somebody inappropriately, so loudly! But now, they are so self conscious of what they talk. They have become very shy and elementary school wise too!

  (4 pony tailed N)

N used to wear 4 pony tails on her head at one time..Right 4! The 2 normal ones on the side..one tiny band, in the front that held her fringe and one at the back to hold that extra hair coming off.  She loved this style. She felt like it was her signature. It looked different from all of her friends. She wasn’t bothered to fit in, then. She just loved being different.  I had felt that she is one confident kid..

K had been a shy baby so, there isn’t much I can compare of her from then and now. P had been a bully when she was a toddler. The way she demanded a hug when she had done something wrong and she got reprimanded. That was her closure to the incident. Nothing else would matter if this wasn’t completed. The ring of that bass sounding cry is still there in my ears.

“I want a huggy”

Now, 8 years younger, she is the same as far as needing the hug..but doesn’t feel bold enough to ask for it…with the same confidence.

All this reminds me that Richa will soon become different too and I wonder how to make this carefree spirit of hers stay, as she grows.  I think that will be a battle I am never to win because, this is the law of growing up, right?! That, kids start to get aware of their surroundings, aware of the expectations that are set of them, the different types of people around them, their friends, who they want to be associated with, their peers, the need to be liked by their classmates, the need to fit in, to belong to a group, to weigh, how cool their fellow classmates are, with the number of friends they have..and that omnipresent..self-consciousness. What if, somebody will mock them for what they just said or how they dressed? They don’t want to be different or unique anymore!! What if, some classmate at school will say “Eeewww”?!

This morning...Neha was totally confused about how she should wear her hair...She felt,  it was long enough to be tied up but, disagreed on how I had suggested it  to be tied up.
She wanted it tied in a way that wasn't working...She insisted on this, and I wondered why! A very good guess turned out to be true. Her friends at school were having their hair tied like that. 

“Well fine, go ahead and try..but, you don't have long hair on the back of your head!” I reminded her.

“Why don't you hold them together on the sides..you will be able to have 2 ponytails..”, I suggested.

That felt very childish to her..She’s all grown up..right?! She’s all 8 years BIG…far from being a kid.  OMG!! just a little knowledge of 3 years in school and they think..they are BIG! The rest of them..are kids. The kindergartners, the first graders, the second graders..They are kids. Not her!

The most important reason:

“What if my friends say Eeewww?”

I tried to explain her the importance of being confident.. Tried to explain her ..how trends start. How some confident person dresses a way and it gets into vogue.  All this talk,  did help her to come to a compromise on how she is going to tie her hair..but, I don’t think she bought any of my talk..or at least..she didn’t feel confident enough to be that person who, will start a new trend. But, when she returned that evening..her hair was still tied the way she left in the morning. Yey!!

K had hurt herself over the weekend. She had fell and, her teeth had cut the skin on the inside of her mouth..Now she had a BIG doubt of her own..

“What if my friends want to see the hurt, Mama? What if they ask me to show the hurt?”, she asked me.

“Show them”, I replied.

“Then, they are going to say “Eeewww” to me”, she said.

“Then don’t show!”, I told her unable to suggest anything that would be right in her perspective.

P was in front of the mirror, trying to decide on her hair style, if she should leave them free or bind them with a band. She had already spent a lot of time deciding that leggings is not something she can wear now…She prefers the boot cuts but, the leggings feel warm..she had thought.

Still, she chose the boot cuts over the warmth of the velour leggings. Style had already taken precedence over comfort. When she returned from her school, she was sad and crying.

“I wasn’t invited to my friends birthday party!” she cried.

I tried explaining her..it must have been inconvenient for her parents to hold a bigger party and they must have had a smaller party in which they called close friends.

She had wanted herself to be among those friends who made it to the party! Some of her classmates lived in the same community as the birthday girl, who made it to the party. It took a while for me to explain her that it was ok for kids to choose close friends and reminded her…

“You have your own circle of friends around your home too, right!”

“But, I want to be V and M’s friend too!”, she wailed.

“Why don’t you get friendly to their moms?!”, she demanded of me.

Not only was I supposed to get her to realize that friendship cannot be forced..but, now I was expected to force my friendship on her classmate’s moms, disregarding their schedules and whatever it is that we moms are busy with.  How do I explain to this child that we grown ups need to feel that “click” in our minds to take friendships to the next level, that is, when we have the time and patience to consider a new social acquaintance.

“Look at the positive..You three are a group yourself, and, you didn’t need to do anything to belong to this group!”, I continued trying to convince them.

All this need to belong to a group..will surely be one of the struggles of  growing up. Its bound to happen, that eventually, they will find that one or two or group of friends who, they will finally feel, they belong with. Until then..they are going to try to follow trends, and promise parties to their friends so they will get accepted among them.

Welcome to growing up my darlings!!

Richa is 4 already!

Yesterday, my little one turned 4. Time flies is one lesson I am taught everyday..again and again and I still never learn! At RIcha’s school today, when one of her teacher said..”I remember seeing you pregnant when the triplets were here”.  I once again realized..”Wow! time really flies.”

This tiny tot ( to my eyes she’s always going to remain that, considering that she’ll surely grow up to be taller than I am! ) was so dejected when she got up this morning.  We all shouted out..”Happy Birthday to you Richa” and she didn’t get any excited. In fact, she wanted us to stop wishing her. She asked me to stop, when I had started to sing..”Baar Baar din yeh aaye..” 

When Pavan called her from work..She just replied with an indifferent “Thainks” and walked away from the phone. These words seemed to irk her.  It had got all her elder siblings puzzled.

“Why was she being so grumpy?!” they thought.

Why wasn’t she feeling all the excitement that we were able to feel for her?! They had talked about her turning 4 olds, just last night, and she was so excited about it..She had been jumping around…singing a song about Richa turning “4 olds”.

There was no excitement on her face now,..all we could see was a very sad face:-(  I soon understood that she had expected for a cake to be waiting for her when she got up in the morning. And there was none!  This must have felt so horrible..Her family is wishing her “Happy Birthday”  without the basics that a birthday entails…A CAKE!

As soon as I promised her that we will be getting one and cutting it as soon as Papa is home, I saw the first smile pop out of her face. Soon her Didi’s left for their school. Then, she asked me if we could go and buy the cake then itself.

“We need to take a cake to my class, Mama!” she said..acting out how she was going to carry the cake into her class and have everybody look at her in excitement and shout out “Happy Birthday Richa!!!”

I had actually talked to the teacher about having a class party 2 days later due to some work I had been busy with. But, there was no escaping now. She got ready for school quik-ca-ly. Without any delays, we set off to the super market to pick up a cake for Richa.  I had asked her..what cake she had wanted..princess, balloons..chocolate…vanilla!!!

She had answered ,  “Nevela Flower Cake”, for Vanilla Flower Cake.

As soon as I had parked the vehicle at the super market..she shouted out

“Mama, lets get a Dora cake!  “

“Mama, I want a Flower Cake!”

After picking up all the party basics..we went to the bakery.

She considering a few cakes..and settled for the Flower cake..even if it meant it was not “Nevella”.

She proudly announced to everybody she came across that it was her Birthday. With lots of excitement, she carried  the cake to be scanned.

 

As we approached her school, she exclaimed

“Mama, we made it to school!!”, just like Dora would say.

Proudly, she walked into her class holding her cake in her hand. This was a very special cake. It was baked specially for her and that’s why it tasted too good, she knew that!

The cake was decorated…and lit!!

 

The Birthday song was sung with such excitement like it was each of the kids own birthday! After she helped her teacher cut and split it, she distributed it!

 

Then, She sat to eat her own……

And ate it like never before!  I’ve always known her to love having a cake but never finish it!  Until yesterday, she has always, broken a cake..and made a mess of it, rather than eat it..But, this cake was a special one. It was meant to be eaten!  It was the tastiest one ever baked..and she did justice eating it like that!

   

She just loved it!  When we came back home..she wanted more!

 

and some more when her Didi’s came home from school. In the night, she had another tiny cake to cut when her Papa came back from work, and we all sang her the Happy B’day song again! But, she was way too satiated to taste this one :-(

She finished off her day with her favorite “Polka Dot” Pizza! 

Wishing her many many many more such Happy Happy Birthday’s to come.

“I love you so much my Puchka!” that’s what I call her sometimes.. referring to her soft bottoms :-)

Many times, when we cuddle up..I tell her..

“Richa..you are so sweet! So yummy! Can I eat you?”

She always replies so complacently.

“Mama, I am Richa..I am not foods!”

Then, she will offer her cheeks to me..so that I could take a little pretend bite of it :-)  Then she feel so proud that she was able to provide some sweetness in moma’s life.

As time flies so fast, my heart goes:

Why don’t you slow down a bit so mom can enjoy your innocence some more.

Why don’t you slow down some more..my child..so mom, can experience your undivided love for some more.

Why don’t you slow down a little more..my baby..so mom, can listen to your creative words..some more.

Why don’t you slow down a tiny bit more..my precious..so we can have some more of the afternoon tea parties in your room!

A couple of days back, when I had to go out for some work…she cried saying..

“I want Mama”

Pavan told her…

”Richa, I am here with you (a la Mein hoon naa!)..can you play with me? I love you too!”

He had tried to coax her..and she had replied so softly to him..lest she hurt him

“But Papa!! I need Mama…I don’t need you!”  :-)

That’s my darling Richa.

Tomorrow, I’m the Mommy

Today, Richa was telling me..”Mama, tomorrow I’m going to be the Mommy”.

“I will give Neha Didi(sister) Snanam (bath)!”

“I will open her dress like this”, putting her hands up straight to show me how Neha opens her dress, when she gives her a bath. My triplets , maybe 8 years old, but, they are Richa’s second Mommy. 

They are the ones she turns to, when I am upset with her or she with me. When she is not allowed to get her way. Like, when she wants to watch TV for long hours or she is trying to avoid eating her food, when she refuses to clean up the mess she creates, and many other things a 3 year wants to do but isn’t allowed to. She thinks, that turning to her Didi(s) (word for elder sisters in Hindi) will resolve her problem. Either they will fix it for her, or they will be able to override my decision.

The other day, she sets up a contraption with a stool on top of a chair. This helped her reach a bunch of silly bands that the triplet girls had hidden from her.  She had been eying them for long. Coming to the silly bands..what’s with these things called ‘silly bands’. The kids in schools have gone so crazy about it. Its become a big rage now. Even the pediatrician’s office and their dentist’s office have them.

“Only one per kid” The sign says.

I used to see Neha come from school always with new bands on her wrist. On asking her what they were, she would say that her friends at school had given it to her. Soon all the triplets had them and they had made quite some collection at home.

I would hear the triplets talk about whose mom is buying who, these bands. Clearly, I was not among them. Just as I had started to feel this getting to my nerve..I get this letter from the kids teacher,banning it from the class. No student would be allowed to wear them at school, it said. I was so happy about it.

I hoped that this would be the end of these harmless looking silly bands. They had hidden these silly bands in a container on the top of a self.  I didn’t know she had known this. Then, that morning..after her Didi(s) left for school, I see her with about 20 bands on her wrist. I had guessed she had climbed up that ladder she had created..so dangerous it looked!! Lucky that she didn’t fall.  I tried to convince her saying that this is not good for her.

As I tried to remove them..it appeared difficult to come off, a perfect situation to explain to her

“Richa, look it will make your hand red..this is so dangerous.” , I said

At this point she looked a little scared and convinced that maybe this women, the one that calls herself her mom, is right.

Then as soon as I was able to remove them she realized the trick.

She insisted that she needs the princess band, and started looking for them in that lot.

“I want the red princess band”, she said, looking for that shape among the bands.

“I have to show it to Ms.G. “, she says

“Ms G will not allow that Richa”, I said

“Remember Mama, we showed the unicorn silly band yesterday”, she said

“That was yesterday, today she is not going to like it. It is dangerous.”, I tried to convince her.

“But, Neha said it is OK”, she said

‘You are not giving me one , you are not giving me many, you are not giving me any, and I want my bands”, she cried getting loud. (Wow!  she’s speaking all this..I thought)

“I like Neha, she is tall, she is the Mommy”, she continued.

“She is tall?!!”, I looked puzzled. Anything to have a convenient Mommy, uh!

“Yes, she is tall and she is my Mommy. I am mad of you”…she continued.

“Ok then, I cannot give you your toasty bread since I am not the Mommy and you are refusing to brush your teeth”..I said, hoping she would fall for the threat. (She had already asked for toasty bread, her favorite food recently)..

“Then,..I will brush my teeth”, she agreed letting me brush her teeth.

That was the end of needing Neha Mommy for the day.

Project

After I had picked Richa from school, when we were about to get to the parking lot, she said..

“Mama, I need to get my face project”…pointing to her eyes and nose and mouth as quickly as she could.

Realizing that I didn’t want to go back..I told her

“Richa, We can get that tomorrow, Ms G is going to keep that safely for you”.

“Its OK mama, we can go and get it..” she said consolingly and immediately turned back. She started to skip towards her classroom singing a song “I made a project…I made a face project…”

As we opened the door, Ms G was talking to another parent while Richa headed to where the project was kept and started to skim through them to pick hers out.

Meanwhile, I told Ms.G that we're back to get her “face project”.

Ms.G went to Richa and started to tell her, that she can take it tomorrow.

“Richa, we are going to put this project on the wall..Look at that decoration over there”, she pointed to the wall that had a big brown blank canvas on the wall.

But, Richa didn’t care what that meant, she continued looking for her project and found it.

She was about to take it when Ms.G tried to stop her. There was almost a fight there for a moment. Ms G trying to make eye contact with Richa and Richa trying to move her elbows so that she could avoid Ms.G’s hands on her.

She knew very well that, if she made that eye contact that Ms.G was trying to get, then, she would have to put that reasoning button ON in her head. She was in no mood to do that.

“That is mine, I made it…I want to show it to my Didi’s (sisters)” Richa said.

She couldn’t understand this fuss about wanting to put the project that she created with so much interest, on the wall!! She had been watching her sisters make the secretive “greeting cards” project the day before, for their mommy..with so much interest.

I’m sure she had offered to help them and I could very well see that, they would have turned her down and may even have, locked the door so that she wouldn’t be able to disturb them.  So, today she had gotten a chance to earn the respect of her sisters, this project was going to showcase her skills to her Didi’s (means “elder sisters” in Hindi) that she was as capable as them, to do a project.

She was putting up a brave fight to that end. But soon, Richa understood that she could not win this war with Ms.G for if she had to..she would have to resort to fist fight.

So, folding her hands, and pouting her mouth and pointing her face up in the air, she started to walk to me, her face red, and ready to burst out crying because Ms.G didn’t let her take her project with her.

She came to me and burst out crying hugging my legs but,  the next second, Ms.G was behind her with that “face project” of hers and told her

“Ok Richa, you take this home, but, will you remember to bring it back tomorrow? Then I will be able to put it on the wall so all the mommies can look at the project”, Ms.G said.

“Ok “ Richa said.

As I watched this drama, I was astonished at Richa’s boldness. She used to be so quite in her class last year, She had been so scared at the mention of any of her teacher’s names. We had used that to our advantage, to get Richa to do stuff she used to refuse, like finish up her food, things like that. But, today I saw a different Richa. She had grown up. She was confident and knew what she wanted very clearly. She was ready to fight her teacher if that’s what it took.

“Is she like this in the class with the other kids?” I asked Ms.G

“She does take this liberty with me but, I haven’t seen her behave like this with anybody else”, I added

“No, she is not like this. But, I can understand her. She wants to show her creation to her sisters. She had mentioned PNK’s names as she was doing the project. She had done the hair with so much interest. “ Ms.G said.

She wouldn’t let Richa leave without smiling back at her..which Richa did eventually, we thanked her together.  Then we walked out of the class. As we walked out, the wind was strong. So, I asked Richa

“Can I hold your project Richa? The wind can blow it away”

“Yes Mama” she said handing over her precious project to me.

“If the wind blows it away…it will fly away up and up and then..get stuck in the tree” pointing to a huge oak.

“If it gets stuck in the tree, How lil I climb the tree?”

“I don’t know how to climb a tree”…she continued.

Meanwhile we had reached the car. And today, I had been driving my husband’s green car. She reacted immediately.

“Oh! You can drive this car?”

“Mama, only papa’s can drive this car, this is not a mommy car, this is a papa car” she continued as I had finished buckling her up to her seat.

“Mama, you are a mommy…you are tiny big…you are not a papa..green car is por Papas” she continued in the background while I got lost in Raag Jaunpuri, that I had been practicing. A beautiful raag with 3 flat notes. As I sang, I started thinking to myself all the competition that’s getting generated at home between Richa and her sisters. How important it has become for Richa to be accepted by her sisters as their peers.

P.S. She ran to her Didi’s as they came back from school and showed them her project and the Triplets had showered their appreciations for her project with such gusto. She sure felt that it made her day. Later I found the cookie man nicely put to sleep on her bed, on her pillow and convered with her chunni (Indian scarf) for a bedspread, he sure looked cozy and happy.

Mehendi!

During the last week in Hyderabad…we had had a big Mehendi day…We had been visiting Shilparaman that morning, an arts and crafts village where the artists come from far and wide to show and sell their masterpieces. There was this mehendi artist who offered to come home so, all of us 7 girls could get our hands decorated.

Here are some of those pictures.

This was one of the triplets showing off her hands. This was the girls first experience with mehendi ( henna ) applied so extensively.

 

We had gotten the back of the hands colored as well.

 

They were totally in awe of the lady applying the henna. She was so fast and good.

 

They had wanted to get shapes of peacocks. Are you able to find any?There are many ways of applying the henna design to the hand. This way is called Arabic. The lines are much more thicker, lots of shading.

 

The girls had waited patiently through the process. They had been curious and their opinion of a mehendi expert changed after this. Their mom was no longer the expert.

 

Even Richa was eager to get this on her hands. She waited patiently for her turn and then through the whole procedure.

 

Look at Richa’s hands as she was getting her hand done.

She got so itchy to wash it off as soon as the design was done. But, we managed to hold her from washing until the henna dried up.

 

Then came my turn.

 

After my SiL’s turn was done, we thought that we should call our MiL (the 7th girl in the house) to get her hands decorated too. But, each of us knew she would refuse and each of us predicted the way she would do it.  That the betting was in place, Pavan  went and invited his mom to get her hands  decorated with henna..and she did as Pavan had predicted..

Brushed him off with a “Jaa re…” pouting her mouth..and raising her chin up, proud of her decision.

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Richa’s corner

 

The new school year has started and so has Richa’s pre-school. But, this morning I looked for her upstairs and downstairs, inside out….and where did I find her? Under the dining table..watching mama search for her.

 

She didn’t want to go to school..

 

Richa just discovered this. “Mama, look!! I can see my nose.”

 

Another fun activity while eating bread now-a-days for Richa is finding shapes in the bread as she eats…Here’s one smiley she discovered.

 

And this is her version of being cute for the camera. Then she would want to look at the picture “Show me mama, Show me..” Then, she would go back and give another pose and ask me to click that.