Continuing with my earlier blog of my rantings on Xenophobia and myself and dealing with it…..I start of, reasoning why is it that Indians like me find it so hard to blend into the American Culture. Why we are xenophobic even within our own country…?
Since most of us Indians immigrated to the USA after flying between continents' had become a common phenomenon. There was no stopping us from going back to our countries now and then, to get our dose of culture, meet our families and re-experience the surroundings where we grew up in, to introduce all that to our children. In this quest for getting the best of both the worlds, I think, its taking us longer for people like me to fit into the common American lifestyle.
Being among different cultures is not new to Indians. Even among Indians there are such big cultural differences, huge cultural divides. One will find North Indians, South Indians, Delhites, UPites, Tamilians, Kanadigas, Gult’s(Telugu), Gujarati’s, Punjabi’s, Anglo Indians and so on..Among the 1600+ languages spoken in India and the countless dialects, the Indian Government has given an official recognition to 22 or so languages. People from different regions speak different languages and their culture is as diverse as their language and its script.. Even here, people tend to stick with people from their own regions/religions/languages/caste.
I belong to a mixed background with my parents belonging to both North and South India. So, growing up has been a confusing journey for me, trying to fit into both these cultures. Their dressing style, languages, food are so different. There were almost 4 languages between my parents and the place where they immigrated to, Hyderabad. So, they decided to speak Hindi at home to save us, kids from confusion. Maybe it has not helped us, learn either Punjabi or Marathi or Kannada or Telugu or Hindi properly(in the sense of Jack of all but Master of None) but, I’m able to talk and mix with a larger population of Indians,due to this exposure. From popular magazines and articles, I now know that language pundits and pediatricians encourage parents with multilingual backgrounds to continue talking in all the secondary languages to the child. The child will eventually develop better language skills and be multilingual.
Apart from the language, there’s another thing called caste in India. When we were shot questions by outsiders as kids, asking us what are we? (Yes! people take such liberties in India, especially with kids, maybe they didn’t dare to question that directly to my parents!) I used to be so confused and speechless. Do they want to know what language we speak? or my religion or they want to know if we are Brahmans, or Kshatriya's, or Vaishyas or Shudras. I didn’t know. We didn’t speak all that at home. My parents didn't think it was important information to share with us. I was sure we were Hindus and we go to temple. I would answer “Hindus and we speak Hindi.”
School was a very innocent period for me. By rule, we were required to talk in English at school, so, most of us at school were not interested in knowing what language your classmate spoke at home or what religion she belonged to. But, after school came college, I started to get aware of all this. Most of my knowledge of the different religions and sects and sub sects and castes came as big jolts. And I realized that there is actually a very big divide among people I live around,
When it came to marriage, people made sure their kids married into their own caste, otherwise, the family doesn’t accept the marriage, in some dire cases, the village would get against the couple and harass them. Even today, I read a news article of a suicide by a couple who were being harassed by their village for marrying outside their caste. They didn't see any way out of it.
Sometimes, the parents think that its in the best interest of their kids to marry within their own community so, their children can be well adjusted and there is another reason for this, among the business communities that I came to know, is to keep the wealth within the community (yeah! I never thought in those lines). To make matters worse to the next level, It was just not enough to be a Brahman to marry another Brahman, or Kshatriya, to marry another Kshatriya and so on..There are many more sub sects too.
We had our share of dealing with this when it was time for my parents to start looking for a match for me. Should it be a Punjabi guy or a guy from the South? Not wanting to get into this mess, I decided to go abroad for further studies and my parents seconded it and there I was in USA.
It is so true that marriages are made in Heaven. No, I couldn’t have chanced upon meeting Pavan in Tirupati when I visited the place during some of our pilgrimage trips, or during the time he came to Hyderabad on some of his trips. But, we did meet and where?! half way across the world from our homes. Luckily for me, Pavan came from a multilingual family too. So, being from a multilingual family was not an issue for his parents, then it was caste. Even if the castes were the same, there would be problems with the sub-caste and so on…there is no stopping at finding a reason to disagree, right!!. But then, it was the case of “Miya Biwi razi”, toh kya karega Kazi”, so with a little spice and drama, his family eventually accepted the situation and we got married.
It has taken me years to understand that there is a larger reason for the existence of such a divide among Hindus. At a higher level, its this. Every religion need to know its beginning, when it started. Same with Hinduism too, right!!. It is very difficult to trace the exact beginning of Hinduism,its founder(s), But, there have been many leaders in Hinduism who reformed and/or revived traditions thus breaking people into many sub-groups and consolidating them. Prominent among these scholars are the ones who defined the Vedanta Philosophy.
Vedanta is a Sanskrit word that means Veda-anta or Veda-end. Its used to describe the final part of the Vedas, the texts that belonged to the end of the Vedic Period, called Upanishads. This school of thought was based on the combined interpretations of the three sacred sources called
1. Upanishads
2. Bhagavad-gita
3. Vedanta-sutra
These people who defined these philosophies were the acharya(s) meaning “one who teaches by example”.
The important acharyas are
1. Sankara Acharya(780-812) CE He founded the Advaita School of philosophy. This philosophy saying that the nature of reality is non-dual(Advaita). He asserted that there is only one ultimate thing in nature, and its God, every thing else was Maya or illusion. He also founded the 10 orders of sanyasa. He is also considered as the incarnation of Shiva by his followers. Shaivism's principles are associated with asceticism. Even Shiva is depicted as a yogi meditating in the Himalayas. Shaivism believes in avatars but, less pronunced than Vaishnavism. We have various avatars of Shiva, as Rudra (angry), Nataraja(God of Dance), Linga the symbol that represents "indivisible two-in-oneness of male and female, the passive space and active time from which all life originates"
2. Madhva Acharya,(1238-1317)AD. He founded the Dvaita School of Philosophy which asserts that the nature of reality is dual (Dvaita), meaning that this universe is comprised of two distinct principles, , namely God and everything else. His followers are the worshipers of Vishnu and his avatars. The dasha-avatar but, mainly Rama and Krishna.
3. Ramanuja Acharya (1017-1137)AD. He founded the Vishista Dvaita (qualified non-duality). For Ramanuja, 3 distinct things existed in the world, God, Soul and Matter. Without one the other could not exist. as a unity they were Advaita(non-dual) yet, they were distinct in their essence. His followers are worshipers of Vishnu too.
Later Theologians, created many derivative interpretations like Dvaita-Advaita, and so on. There is such a huge divide among followers of each of these acharyas. A famous Kannada saying goes, “Even if chased by a tiger, a vaishnavite will not enter a temple of Shiva”.
Again, I almost digressed here. So, in the middle of this journey of mine to discover myself, make a career for myself, I find myself married to a person from a totally different brought up, in fact, a very orthodox brought up. This should have made me very nervous. But, It was the opposite. I found him to be very culturally aware, practical, honest and A very social being. Always having this quest for more knowledge. His knowledge of Hinduism rubbed off on me too. Our families are still trying to adjust with each other and, the kids are making this easier for them. They being of interest to both our families.
Now, that my kids are growing up in the USA, they will be imbibing in themselves, both the cultures of the west(from schools and friends and teachers) and east. We as parents will be doing our part of giving them knowledge of where they come from, their culture and at the same time, I'm looking forward to learning from them, the culture of America to become a part of the diversity in America, I hope we will be able to lead our kids in a direction, where they will feel enriched with all this diversity that they are part of, rather than get confused with their identity.
Parenting triplets plus one,Photography, Gardening, Music and Life.
Showing posts with label Xenophobia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xenophobia. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Xenophobic Me! (Part 1)
Recently, there was an article in Time Magazine by author Joel Stein called “My Private India”.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html
where the author was saddened to find his all white town “Edison” been transformed into an almost all Indian town. The authors opinion and his expression hurt a lot of Indians…and me too. The author, sure had nice things to say about the community in the article, but, the derogatory tone of the article masked all that to an Indian reading it.
Then there was a rebuttal article that was published on CNN by an Indian doctor who retorted to most of what Joel wrote.
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/13/parikh.stein.rebuttal/index.html?fbid=BaPMteeDyYG#fbid=KzPyjrcg5d5
I felt good reading that too. But, then another comment below the article by a girl called Neetika made me think of their perspectives. (To look at the comment that Neetika made, scroll down the above link to the comments section and you should be able to find it). She gave a similar story of herself from her school days, how she reacted when confronted by strangers, and how similar her situation was to that of Joel Stein’s. Both of them had reacted due to their ignorance.
What both of these writers, were feeling was fear of strangers, like most of us in the world. How can one trust strangers?. The word says it all, foreigners! strangers! We are wired to automatically dislike them due to ignorance. Ignorance of their lifestyle, their ways of living? And what if we take that extra step to accept them but the feeling would not be reciprocated. Would we be able to fit into their ways? What if we are rejected for being different?
Another Indian friend of mine had hinted about the mindset of Indians to stick to each other rather than mingle cross culturally. This maybe true for most of us Indians, who are first generation Indians into the country. As a working women and first generation Indian into the US, the only foreigner friends (people different from my culture, non Indians) that I have, are from work. I didn’t go out of my way to make friends outside my culture when I’m outside of work. Firstly, because I had the luxury of having people of my community around my home, and secondly because, I think I didn’t get the opportunity.
Or maybe, I’m just making an excuse. Maybe, there were several opportunities and I never saw them pass by. And if I didn’t see it , why would that be? It got me thinking that I fear strangers just like everybody else. And to most Americans’ I do look foreign. In general, any Indian in America like me would seem so.
The food we eat,spicy, hot, fatty (well, that's how it is served in most Indian restaurants), aromatic(to me at least), and so many varieties, intimidating to a stranger. Scary sometimes,(I remember, most of my colleagues avoided the sweets that had the silver foil on it, when I offered them).
Our accents vary so much between us Indians itself. We have our Gujju ben and bhais saying “take-o” for “taco”. We have our gults putting an “oo” sound to almost all English words, “love-vu” for “love” , “un-cul” for “uncle”. Then we have our bongla babus accent with “Birtual phonkson” for “Virtual function”, and I could go on.
Our gods are so many, each looking so weird and different, god for rain, fire, wind, water, sun, creation, destruction, power, money, knowledge and so on. Numerous stories of them with numerous versions, Each of us telling a different story of the same god to the American. So confusing even between us. Some of us celebrate Diwali because its their new year, while others celebrate it because it was the day Ram returned back to Ayodhya along with Sita.
Our ways are so weird and funny, for example, most of us Indians node our head sideways, in the shape of the number “8” to say “yes”, while, the rest of the world would just swing their head back and forth to agree.
We dress so different with most of us women wearing jazzy and colorfully loud Saree s or Sal wars or Churidaars, adorning dots (Bindis) on our foreheads, We look so out of place. The Bollywood movies we follow are so different, sometimes ridiculous, and so is our music.
How would I be accepted by a common American, when I am so different unwilling to blend in for if I have to, I would have to give up my bindis, my dressing style for sure. Now lets see how similar I am to a common American.
Almost all of us desire to love and be loved. We all work hard to make our lives comfortable. We all want our kids to go to college and become law abiding citizens, after graduation, make themselves useful to the society by taking up a job and pay their taxes. All of us try to vote for the best leader. All of us need our eight hours of sleep once we come home tired. We all smile and laugh to express happiness and joy. We cry when we are sad. All of us catch the flu bug, if exposed. Basically, we are all humans, with desires and emotions and our bodies are as fragile as the next person.
So, I do realize that even though my looks and ways are different from a common American, they are just superficial. Underneath, I am the same woman, just from another culture. Why then, am I so fearful of pursuing friendships that crosses cultures. Why am I fearful of being rejected, fearful that I will be unable to fit in. Fearful, that I am going to be misunderstood due to my distorted use of the English language. Fearful of not appearing sophisticated.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html
where the author was saddened to find his all white town “Edison” been transformed into an almost all Indian town. The authors opinion and his expression hurt a lot of Indians…and me too. The author, sure had nice things to say about the community in the article, but, the derogatory tone of the article masked all that to an Indian reading it.
Then there was a rebuttal article that was published on CNN by an Indian doctor who retorted to most of what Joel wrote.
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/13/parikh.stein.rebuttal/index.html?fbid=BaPMteeDyYG#fbid=KzPyjrcg5d5
I felt good reading that too. But, then another comment below the article by a girl called Neetika made me think of their perspectives. (To look at the comment that Neetika made, scroll down the above link to the comments section and you should be able to find it). She gave a similar story of herself from her school days, how she reacted when confronted by strangers, and how similar her situation was to that of Joel Stein’s. Both of them had reacted due to their ignorance.
What both of these writers, were feeling was fear of strangers, like most of us in the world. How can one trust strangers?. The word says it all, foreigners! strangers! We are wired to automatically dislike them due to ignorance. Ignorance of their lifestyle, their ways of living? And what if we take that extra step to accept them but the feeling would not be reciprocated. Would we be able to fit into their ways? What if we are rejected for being different?
Another Indian friend of mine had hinted about the mindset of Indians to stick to each other rather than mingle cross culturally. This maybe true for most of us Indians, who are first generation Indians into the country. As a working women and first generation Indian into the US, the only foreigner friends (people different from my culture, non Indians) that I have, are from work. I didn’t go out of my way to make friends outside my culture when I’m outside of work. Firstly, because I had the luxury of having people of my community around my home, and secondly because, I think I didn’t get the opportunity.
Or maybe, I’m just making an excuse. Maybe, there were several opportunities and I never saw them pass by. And if I didn’t see it , why would that be? It got me thinking that I fear strangers just like everybody else. And to most Americans’ I do look foreign. In general, any Indian in America like me would seem so.
The food we eat,spicy, hot, fatty (well, that's how it is served in most Indian restaurants), aromatic(to me at least), and so many varieties, intimidating to a stranger. Scary sometimes,(I remember, most of my colleagues avoided the sweets that had the silver foil on it, when I offered them).
Our accents vary so much between us Indians itself. We have our Gujju ben and bhais saying “take-o” for “taco”. We have our gults putting an “oo” sound to almost all English words, “love-vu” for “love” , “un-cul” for “uncle”. Then we have our bongla babus accent with “Birtual phonkson” for “Virtual function”, and I could go on.
Our gods are so many, each looking so weird and different, god for rain, fire, wind, water, sun, creation, destruction, power, money, knowledge and so on. Numerous stories of them with numerous versions, Each of us telling a different story of the same god to the American. So confusing even between us. Some of us celebrate Diwali because its their new year, while others celebrate it because it was the day Ram returned back to Ayodhya along with Sita.
Our ways are so weird and funny, for example, most of us Indians node our head sideways, in the shape of the number “8” to say “yes”, while, the rest of the world would just swing their head back and forth to agree.
We dress so different with most of us women wearing jazzy and colorfully loud Saree s or Sal wars or Churidaars, adorning dots (Bindis) on our foreheads, We look so out of place. The Bollywood movies we follow are so different, sometimes ridiculous, and so is our music.
How would I be accepted by a common American, when I am so different unwilling to blend in for if I have to, I would have to give up my bindis, my dressing style for sure. Now lets see how similar I am to a common American.
Almost all of us desire to love and be loved. We all work hard to make our lives comfortable. We all want our kids to go to college and become law abiding citizens, after graduation, make themselves useful to the society by taking up a job and pay their taxes. All of us try to vote for the best leader. All of us need our eight hours of sleep once we come home tired. We all smile and laugh to express happiness and joy. We cry when we are sad. All of us catch the flu bug, if exposed. Basically, we are all humans, with desires and emotions and our bodies are as fragile as the next person.
So, I do realize that even though my looks and ways are different from a common American, they are just superficial. Underneath, I am the same woman, just from another culture. Why then, am I so fearful of pursuing friendships that crosses cultures. Why am I fearful of being rejected, fearful that I will be unable to fit in. Fearful, that I am going to be misunderstood due to my distorted use of the English language. Fearful of not appearing sophisticated.
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