Yesterday...My triplet children, PNK, turned 11. It was yesterday evening, 11 years ago, I was going through this huge huge pain, this great life threatening discomfort, I’m really not sure what to call it...of which, I just have a 10 sec video clip, where, I’m just tossing this way and that to get comfortable. My face was an epitome of PAIN! Well..that’s the best hubby dear could do!
In all that pain, I was still hoping to hold on some more so the babies could grow some more. Little did I know that, eleven years later, I would realize, it was the easiest part of motherhood that I could have endured. The EASIEST BREEZIEST PART. Little did I realize what we are setting ourselves up to.
When your children are babies, toddlers and as they grow into little kids..you feel that life will only get easier as your children grow. They will get independent, that they will begin to dress themselves and feed themselves, and you as a parent will be able to relax more.
LIttle do you realize, that the responsibilities of parenthood just gets exponentially bigger as the child grows, and to just say that feels “tiny”! They start to become individuals who surely can feed themselves and take care of their physical selves but, now education comes into the picture, they start to think, growing mentally,
You need to start focusing on helping your child to make good choices for their future, starting with sharing in the kindergarten years to choosing friends in the teenage years, develop the personality, feeling content with their physical looks, developing confidence of self, learning extra curricular activities, understanding your children’s talents and providing guidance, financial stability, mentoring them., so so so so much more starts to come into the picture, that motherhood/parenthood suddenly becomes this monstrous complex job…that you’re not sure how to handle.
Now, my triplet children, step into another phase of their lives..They are no more those Kiddos on the block...they are eagerly looking forward to their teen years unaware of the challenges all such things bring on, with respect to education, love and everything else that's going to shape their future hence forward...
Me on the other hand, I'm so nervous, really nervous of dealing with the challenges of tweenage and teenage parenthood, and that's an understatement. Hope we, mom and daughters, we’ll be able to find balance in all the imbalances we are up for together.
I've heard a lot of people tell me "You are lucky" when they hear me answer their question..
“How many children do you have?”
“How many boys and girls?”
“OH! ALL GIRLS?!!!”
There are some who just simply smile and some others who have warned me about the uphevels all those raging hormones are going to bring on, in our lives...
Some have suggested that Daddy, stand by the door with a long baton..to ward off the boys who will try to woo these pretty girls. Some wondered about all the hearts that these pretty girls would break. There was one doctor...who had playfully suggested that we should consider owning a Smith and Wesson.
“What is that?”, I had asked him innocently.
That was the first time I came to know of a brand of gun!! So, people had a lot of ideas for me..I am just hoping I can get through years of teenage motherhood without the use of any such.
I'm going to rely on the phrase.."It takes a village to raise a child". I'm going to bank on all the parents and the children of the neighborhood and community, my village, to form that balance we as parents need for our children and hope to provide the same to other parents and their children.
Now as a mom of my children, with the wisdom I now have, I understand my parents better than ever before. I respect them more that I realize, they endured a kid like myself!!
I now love them, for forcing some of those decisions they took for me. Those decisions that I didn’t agree with or I didn’t like, then. I understand how much I had depended on my Dad to be my pillar of strength.
Now as a mom to my children, I know..that some of the decisions my children may make may not be right and, I will not hold myself back and let my child make such a mistake.
In the coming years..I know, I’m going to be finding myself in those shoes quite frequently..what with 4 girls in my life. I'm going to have to prepare myself mentally to hear my child tell me, that they think I’m mean, they hate me.. (although I doubt if my girls would say something like that..) and hope that later in their life .. they will understand our perspective, as I did.
This has been the cycle of life until now. Its only when one becomes a parent can one understand their own parent and the anxiety they went through, as they had raised you.
My letter to God today is….
Dear God, I would like to let you know that I am so grateful for the family you have given to me..I do love each of them to pieces..and I would like to, to the best of my ability, take on this responsibility bestowed on me .
GIve me the courage to face all the emotional upheavals that is part of mothering my 4 wonderful girls and wisdom to my children, to make better choices. One of them includes, helping my children find a friend in me and help me in my quest to achieve that.
I would like to listen in on her thoughts..about everything in her life, things that matter to her, things she dislikes and things she doesn’t care about. Help me build a relationship with her to make this possible and help me be wise enough to not judge her when she does in fact confide in me, be trustful of her that she would make the right decision.
Help me be her guide..to always be able to have and give her options and nudge her in the right direction. Help me help her appreciate the small things in her life, the power of spoken words, and the consequences of her actions.
Help me help her find kindness and patience. I can tell you, the patience level they show right now..is at the lowest..Help me raise that. for their own sake and mine too!
I understand that my daughters may have emotional outbursts, at times (although it already feels like its “always” now)..Help me face all that with the coolth of a cucumber.
Right now..I’m grappling with the decision if my children are ready to own phones..They have promised that they wouldn’t be occupied with games on it..they wouldn’t misuse it. Their dad is all for getting them the phones. Please give wisdom to the Dad and the children to hold back some more because you and me know what such promises mean and what peer pressure does.
Give me the physical strength and time to continue to create all the wonderful memories in the form of pictures and videos that I make for them..so they will be able to cherish their childhood days.
The last but the greatest thing I would like to ask of you..Give me the strength to be able to love my child UNCONDITIONALLY!! To protect her and yet let her fly free..That’s going to be the most difficult for me, I know.
I close this letter to you god reminding myself..the last few lines of this poem I came across…..
Remember too as she grows to
Be a woman
She's a reflection of yourself
A reflection of the joy, kindness,
A reflection of a woman set free
To pass down her teachings
From no other than thee.