Saturday, November 13, 2010

Does my mommy love me?!

Last week, the kids were home a couple of days. They had a long weekend for Diwali. The teacher’s conference coincided with Diwali and so this year, the kids got an off from school for Diwali but, Hubby dear was not! He had to be at work. Being at home with them after a long time and without any activity, I let them watch TV. Immediately K remarks…”Its like we are watching TV for the first time this year!”
“This year?!!” I ask puzzled..
“I mean this school year!”, she clarified.
I was busy with my work but, got to talk with the kids as I did my chores. Then, I come across this letter in the laundry room. Why there?!…It was a love letter…”To MOM!”  written by P.  She had expressed a lot of love to me in that letter. But, she had left a lot unsaid when it got uncomfortable for her to express..
“I really would love you to read my stuff, but something about you..Your the best!…I like you a lot..so, please accept this poem. its about you and me being together….” and it continued.
I was such a lovely flattering letter. But, what was that in there that said
“but, something about you…”
My mind was stuck at that line. I needed to find out. So, we got talking. Myself, trying to find out what was that she was unable to tell me. What was that, that was nagging her about me!  I knew that it wouldn’t be something pleasant. And then, I could see that lump in her throat. She was just so overwhelmed to talk. She was doing that grown up kind of a cry…tears rolling down but, trying to cover it up with a smile.Trying to smile while hurting inside!
“OMG! these girls are already acting so girly!”  I was thinking. Alarm sounding loud in my head.
It took her a while to start talking. Then she spoke:
“Its about you scolding us…. (pause..after collecting herself again..)  when you get mad at us …how can you love us?”
It was that age old question they had about me (about any parent for that matter).
“How can I claim that I love you, when I scold you?” I asked…
“Yeah! you get mad at us and the next moment you are singing or talking to us like..it never happened!” Kauvya joined putting her 2 cents in.
I had been mad at them that morning for the way they had kept their room. So very mad! It was a room full of mess with their books and cut paper bits strewn everywhere from some project they had been working on, their clothes thrown around here and there, their bed a total mess.  And what’s with these kids using eraser so much. Looks like they use the eraser more than they write anything. The whole table and floor was spotted with eraser and crayon and oil pastel scraps. The oil pastel scraps were stuck to the floor like glue.
Of course, it made me soooo mad. It would make anybody mad, I think!
I then explained them for the nth time, that getting mad at them had nothing to do with me not being able to love them. That's totally different matter. DSC_0281
“You get mad at R so many times. Don’t you?”, I asked.
“You girls put up signs on your door telling her not to enter the room, right?”
They nodded, agreeing.
“Does that mean you don’t love her?”
They immediately agreed with me. Right! they still loved her. When it would come time to protect her and care for her and cuddling time, they wouldn’t feel any less. The other day, they spent so much time, preparing her “Star of the Week” project for her. They didn’t have to do it. But, they wanted to do it for her..They felt so proud writing cute stuff about their little sister. And she was so overjoyed to see all her three sisters..doing a project about her!
I explained to them that it was the same.
“When you do wrong, it is the parents job to tell you to mend yourself and if you still don’t, then, parents are bound to be mad with their kids “(maybe not all parents..maybe some of them have a very high threshold…but not me!)…
I explained to them..that I was working alone, trying to keep the home clean while the 3 of them spent their energy dirtying it(actually, I should have said 5 of them!)!
“Was that fair?”  I asked.
Isn’t it easy for three of you to keep the room looking neat by dividing up the work? I asked.
“Wouldn’t it be easier for you and for me..if you put your books or other stuff away and into place once you finish using it?” I asked.
They so happily agreed with me gave me a tight hug and ran upstairs to fix anything they had left unturned!
At least for that moment, I was able to quell that overwhelming feeling inside P forming that lump in her throat..She felt relieved after the explanation…I could feel her take that deep breath as she hugged me.
But, I know in my heart..that. that was not the end of it..The next time I’m going to be mad with them..they are going to struck with the same doubt again!
“Does my mom really love me?”

4 comments:

Purba said...

Your daughters are so adorable. I can't reason with one!!

Hats off to you supermom!

Always Happy said...

This is my first visit to your blog Gayatri ji. Liked the post. pics of your lil girls is good too. I will try and read some of your previous posts.

gayatri said...

@Purba, I don't think its different reasoning with one or more. Girls are cute until they hit that dreaded milestone..They yearn for it and I pray that they slow down...there's no hurry! I'm going to have 4 times the hormones floating around in a few years..Actually, I'm thinking exponential. My husband says, he's going to standing with the danda at the door. :-) Only people with the Palle ID card would be allowed to come close to our residence.. Wow! how would that be?!

gayatri said...

@Always Happy, Thanks for your comments.Please feel welcome and let me know what you feel. :-)