Friday, January 21, 2011



As a mom to 4 girls, I have the bigger chunk of parenting to do compared to Hubby dear.  He will always be their support, the trunk that will help them achieve confidence, realize the beauty of being daddy’s little girls. (I  so much believe that girls who experience loving fathers tend to choose loving partners later in life, rather than, abusive partners.)  But, they will always want to turn to the Mom in uncomfortable situations, when they are looking for answers.  I have always,maintained an open conversation with my kids, whatever the topic. I want them to feel free to talk anything with me,..whatever that's going on in their budding minds.  I never judge them when they share something that may be uncomfortable nor, do I conclude anything of their personalities from their confessions. I never let them feel nervous about anything they want to speak with me. 

This is one aspect of our relationship I hope, I can continue to strengthen with my girls as they grow. I hope that they will reach out to me for advice or suggestion on any issue that seems uncomfortable or confusing to them.  The other day, they had discussed “What is Inappropriate touching?” in their school. The school had educated them on this topic. They’ve been educated what an inappropriate touch feels like and in the end, they would need to trust themselves, that if something doesn’t feel right..then, it surely isn’t!!  That night, they let me know of this session. Each of them sounded so horrified and told me, they had not felt nice listening to all this. I felt like almost hugging them so tight..

Currently, they are in a phase in which they are having like a love hate relationship with the boys in their class.  To them, these boys are mostly annoying and have no artistic skills what so ever. That’s their current impression of the boys in their class.

They also find the boys sharing the same feeling of the girls too!!  All these contradictions gets them very confused when, they get any attention from a boy.  So, today…P and N came to me as I was dressing up.

All the three of us were watching ourselves in the mirror for sometime before P spoke

“Mama, Am I the prettiest girl in our family?” she asked, looking at herself admiringly and running her hand in her hair. Even as she admired herself in the mirror, there was so much confusion in her eyes.

“Yes, why do you ask?”, I asked without any hesitation. I had almost wanted to cut into her question, by saying that, even N is very pretty.

“There is a boy in my class who is always following me. He likes me and so he is always following me around”, she said.

“Maybe, because you are very wise P!”, N added very “wisely” from the side.

“What does wise mean, Mama?”, P asks me

“That you are smart, that you make good decisions, that you keep yourself informed, that you make informed choices, that you are thoughtful and careful”, I continued more about this word until I could sense the bulb of comprehension light up in her eyes.

“ I think it must be because you are beautiful  P”, N concluded almost as if all these qualities could never belong to P at all :-)

“Maybe, because you are a very friendly person..maybe, because you don’t have any “proud-ness” in you at all. Everybody likes friendly people, you know”, I added my two cents to this confusion.

“Yes, that may be true! Maybe, because I’m a very friendly person”, she decided and walked away.


Satya said...

This is such a delicate issue ... when all the kids are girls .. I had two brothers so it was helpfull to understand boys !! Did I add some more to the confusion : )Hope not ...

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Gayatri said...

OMG!! did! I din't realize this side, until u mentioned it.yes, not having brothers does add to it but, saving grace for them is...they have about 5 first cousin brothers.

AS said...

I like the way you put up the things so complicated..

Renu said...

Being a mother is not easy and looks like you are doing a fabulous job..

Rachna said...

I like the last bit of what you said -- that she is friendly and down-to-earth, appealing qualities to have in a friend. I try to tell Sid too that it is perfectly fine for a boy and girl to be good friends, and he has many close girl friends. Besides, he has met so many of my male friends, so he takes it as pretty normal.

Gayatri said...

Thanks AS! Everyday, every situation is a learning experience.

Thanks Renu. Rightly said, for every situation we think we dealt rightly, I'm sure there are better ways.

Thanks Rachna, I agree too. I love simple down to earth people. I guess, that's why I suggested this to her. That's why she says that she's friends to almost all the people in her class. Good for her!